There you are sitting across from each other and yet nothing seems to come out easily in conversation.
Modern Family: Mitchell and Cam are sitting at a table in a fancy restaurant.
Mitchell: “Oh. Ya know, Pepper said for our cake tasting we needed to…”
Cam (interrupts): “You know the rules! No wedding talk..No Lily talk…”
Mitchell: “Sorry…No. You’re right.”
Cam: “So..we gonna…”
Both look around.
Cam: “Should we hear the specials again?”
Mitchell: “We can’t really ask them a third time…”
So, my boyfriend and I decided one night we would get out of the house without the kids, and just have an hour or so for a peaceful dinner.
We head out to the Player’s Lounge to eat around 8:00pm, my sister babysitting the little sleeping angels, and I think “Finally! We get some time alone.”
Now, the whole idea sounds great at first, but it seems you are never alone when you have kids.
We ended up in the same predicament as Mitch and Cam.
We couldn’t find a word to say to each other because, well, we literally talk about everything at home.
Our lives revolve around our children and whichever stressful or amazing thing is happening in our family at the time. We still enjoyed our time together, that we probably could have had at home.
Do you remember those days before you became parents, and you would go out with your partner for drinks with friends or just a random dinner date whenever you wanted? Or, when you would come home from work, eat whenever and whatever you wanted without someone picking at your plate or making fart noises at the dinner table?
It’s hard to remember those days, isn’t it?
Before I got pregnant with my daughter, and even while I was pregnant, David and I always had something to talk about on date nights or even just sitting around watching shows. We had that profound interest in each other where everything that came out of the other’s mouth was heard.
Now when we get the chance to sit down, just the two of us, there is silence. One of us will come up with the random, “Oh ya! So today [our son] did [this] and it was so funny!
Silence in a relationship isn’t always a bad thing though especially if you are comfortable with it.
Some partners enjoy those moments to sit beside each other and do their own thing. David and I do that often and don’t see it as an issue, but when we are out for dinner and that silence comes into play, that’s when you look at yourselves and go “My gosh, when did we get so boring?!”
And then you get to that point where you are trying So Hard to find something to talk about and you end going through your phone and throwing out anything you can find…
Cameron: Well, apparently, the situation in Syria is worsening.
Mitchell: I know.
Cameron: In fact, now UN evidence suggests that Assad was-
Mitchell: Are you reading this off your phone?
Cameron: No! No! I was just making sure my facts were straight before I started a spirited conversation of current events.
Mitchell: “What else does it say?”
When you have children, your lives change completely. Of course, most parents have already come to realize that your kids become the centre of everything you do, and you can never get away….
Do we have to get away though? Your kids go to bed, and you and your spouse are still up obviously, so why go out and be silent when you can just throw on a movie at home, cuddle and enjoy the peacefulness together.
We always say, “We need a date night, just the two of us.”
But why do we need a date night, when every night can be a date night at home?
It all comes down to communication with your spouse. If you can’t communicate with each other properly, and you find stress on your communication with certain date night activities, don’t do them. Find a more interesting or more intimate way to communicate with each other and there is nothing wrong about sitting at home after the kids go to bed and just talking about them or talking about your day at work.
Let those kids be the center of your conversations as parents, because you have nobody in this world more interesting than them. And don’t let the silence make you believe that you are stuck in a rut with no means of communication.